Lead Dog Digital "Fake Memo"
(copy for a proposed print ad)

MEMO To: All Staff

Hi folks.

I'm sure you're all aware of what the economy's been like lately, especially in this "web" industry of ours. These are trying times and, unfortunately, in order for our company to continue soldiering on, there have to be some sacrifices made.

First, I apologize profusely to each and every one of you because I know you've all worked so hard to make this company successful. I personally would love to keep the company running the exact same way it's been in the past, but sadly, it just isn't fiscally possible.

So, without further ado, are the services that will no longer be available or whose aspects will change starting next Monday:

• The company's water will no longer be pumped directly from that hidden spring located somewhere in the Himalayas.
• The weekly Philharmonic concerts held in the 8th floor planetarium will now be bi-monthly.
• The 5th Floor conference room will be converted into a half-pipe only on alternate Wednesdays and daily during X-Games season.
• Ambrosia will no longer be served in the cafeteria.
• By year's end, funding for research on our "Resurrecting The Dead" and "Turning Metal Into Gold" projects will be reduced by 30%.
• Toilet paper will no longer be made of silk spun daily by a host of imported Chinese silkworms.

Once again, I'm sorry. I know this is going to be a difficult transition for all of you. It has been for me as well. Even the "bigwigs" aren't safe in this new, troubling economy. Last week I had to sell one of my seven SUVs. Its name was Steve.

I know you will all face this new adversity with courage and mature aplomb.

I thank you for your time.

© 2002 Andrew Duncan | All rights reserved | Do not reproduce without expressed consent of author.